The Worst Pirates
by TheXGrayXLady
Summary: Lizard always thought she and Will would make good pirates. However, it turns out that piracy works a bit differently in Storybrooke.


**Notes: **

I've been needing to write a happy Will/Lizard fic for a while. And then I got the idea of Will introducing Lizard to rock music and then from there it turned to music piracy and then I wound up having too much fun with the POTC jokes. So yeah. This exists.

Also, sorry for the bad timing. This has been sitting half-finished in my notebook for a while now and I'm about to not have a computer for a while so yeah, I just wanted to get it posted now rather than when I forget about it.

**_The Worst Pirates_**

"Okay, so what I'm about to do is called pirating. It's not really that excitin' and I'm not even sure how illegal it is, but even if it is, I don't exist outside this town and law enforcement here's too caught up in a family feud to do anything about anything I do," he said, nudging the monitor wire so that the dinosaur stayed connected.

"Can't say I never thought we'd make good pirates," Lizard said, sitting on the desk.

"Captain Scarlett…" he said, opening the program. His experience with this thing was laughable, but his own music ownership was limited and it wasn't as though it was a difficult thing to do. She'd heard a bit of the music from this world when they were walking around the store the other day, but he figured Lizard would appreciate some classic rock more than whatever they play in the background of the dollar store. "It's got a nice ring to it don't you think?"

She wrinkled her nose, gave him a light punch in the arm, and said, "Who said anything about you being captain? You couldn't captain a row boat. The seven seas are going to live in terror of The Lizard."

"Til they cut off your tail," he said, spinning in the office chair. It didn't squeak so badly as it did when he took it off the library's hands, so now the mild to moderate amusement it provided outweighed the annoyance of the noise.

"A lizard's tail grows back stupid," she said, flicking her tongue at him. "And besides, you have to have a cool hat to be a pirate captain. The only hat you have has socks on it."

"No knockin' the Sox. 'least, not in New England," he said, pausing the spinning to check the blue bar. It was stuck at eighty four percent. There were two options now, he could either kick the computer and hope he hit the sweet spot, and more frequently than not that option ended with the entire system crashing, or they could wait an eternity and a half. "Once spring starts, remind me to tell you about baseball."

"What's that?" she asked, idly poking the bulldog bobblehead next to the keyboard.

"It's kinda like stick ball, but there's more rules and they don't hit you with the stick if you steal a base," he said. Although a difference in the definition of steal might have had something to do with that. He glanced back at the bar. Through some magic, it had made it past the eighty four of death. "And yo ho a pirates life for us."

"Are you totally sure it's a good idea to just do this in your living room?" she asked, her eyes darting between the doors and windows.

"Crime works a bit differently here Liz and like I said, we've only got a sheriff and her dad and they're too worried about a weird custody battle that's better not to think about to do anything about real crime. We're perfectly safe," he said, poking at the keyboard until he pulled up the main page. "Where do you want to start?"

"You're the expert on this world, so what do you recommend?" she said, hopping off the desk and sitting on the arm of the chair.

"Hrm…" he said, staring at the screen. "If I'm plotting the course, does this make me captain?"

"Navigator Scarlett, what course would you recommend to Captain Lizard?" she asked. He wasn't going to win this one.

"Aye aye Captain," he said. "Alright, so Zeppelin's important, so are the Beatles, the Clash, the Smiths…" He looked to Lizard to see if there was anything she was interested in. She looked interested in what he was suggesting, but not excited. "How about Joan Jett? I think you'll like her."

"Let's give it a shot," Lizard said, her eyes lighting up as she smiled at him.

"Then show me that horizon," he said, clicking the download link for, "Bad Reputation." That was one of the things he liked about having friends like LIzard, Alice, Cyrus, and even Ana. He could quote movies as often as he wanted and nobody could tell him he wasn't funny.

"I swear Will," she said, putting an arm around his shoulder. "You have to be the worst pirate I've ever heard of." He made a mental note to add Pirates of the Caribbean to their next movie night.

"But you have heard of me."


End file.
